To Have Loved and Lost
by Moonchild10
Summary: One-shot. To Kyouya, it is 'keeping up appearances'. To Haruhi, it is him being unwilling to compromise. Anyone can tell you it's a recipe for disaster. Kyouya x Haruhi and Tamaki x Haruhi


_Disclaimer: Bisco Hatori owns Ouran, not me._

_I've been meaning to write a Kyouya, Haruhi, Tamaki love triangle fic for a while. This is what came of it. I feel bad for Kyouya, but any relationship he enters into is doomed from the beginning ^^;  
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"I just don't see why it has to be like this…" Haruhi mutters, crossing and uncrossing her legs as she sits on the end of the bed watching Kyouya dressing for the cotillion that the Ootori family is attending at Ouran, along with every other prominent family in Bunkyo. "I don't see why I can't come with you."

"I've told you before, Haruhi…" Kyouya is patient with her, but not infinitely so, and he is beginning to lose that patience now. He straightens his tie a bit and glances into the full-length mirror. His appearance is impeccable; black suit, white undershirt, black bowtie, black shoes. Every hair is in place on his head. The only thing in his life that is not perfectly in order is the situation is this girl who sits on his bed in a sweatshirt and jeans, not fitting at all with the other pieces of the existence of an Ootori.

"Well, tell me again," she leans forward, resting her hands on her knees, and she bores those enormous brown eyes into him. She has eyes like a child, large and soft and full of curiosity, but they are far too penetrating to be a child's eyes. The way they gaze into his soul is far too unsettling for him. "Because apparently I don't understand."

With a not-so-patient sigh, Kyouya turns to her. "As an Ootori, I must do what I can to keep up appearances. I have a shadow of a chance of becoming the heir, and if I am going to keep that chance I must make sure that I don't do anything to embarrass the family."

"And I'm an embarrassment," usually Haruhi is infinitely patient and understanding, but he can see the raw hurt in her eyes and for a moment he feels guilty.

"Please don't look at it that way," he tells her formally, and she glares at him.

"How else am I supposed to look at it? Look, I've known from the beginning that your family is important to you, but shouldn't there be a limit? I try to be okay with your priorities, but I don't know how much longer I can. Lately you've been pretending we're not together at all, and I'm starting to feel like you're ashamed of me."

"I'm not ashamed," Kyouya assures her. Haruhi looks like she wants to cry. He knows she won't; Haruhi has almost as much pride as he does. "But things are complicated. Things have always been complicated with us. I thought you knew that."

"I do know," Haruhi tells him. "But things shouldn't be _this_ complicated. When you're with someone, you should at least make them one of your priorities. _Everything_ shouldn't come before that person. I don't want to make you to feel pressured to give up everything for me; I've never expected that. But I just want to know… do you care about me, really? About this?"

Kyouya sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose where his glasses have made it sore. "You know that I care about you, Haruhi. But I can't afford to give up my chances in this family for a date to the cotillion. I'm sorry."

"And I'm sorry, too," Haruhi says sadly, standing up from the bed and straightening her sweatshirt. "Because I'm tired of being held at arm's length. I know what's important to you and I've never wanted to stand in the way of that, but I don't know how much longer I can do things this way. It hurts too much."

"Haruhi…" Kyouya mutters, wondering what to say. Of course in his heart he cares for her. Cares for her much more than he even wants to admit. But the Ootori family is something that has always come first, and he knows it's been unfair of him to string her along this far. They began their awkward little relationship about a month after the Ouran fair, and it has been three months of this since then. He is surprised she's managed to hold it together this long.

"I know you'll succeed and do great things for your family's company, and I'll be proud watching you do it all, but I know that there's not a place for me in your future. I guess I knew all along but I didn't want to think about it. Good luck, Kyouya-senpai." Haruhi bows a little too formally to him and heads for his bedroom door down the stairs. Kyouya stands at the railing that overlooks the lower part of his bedroom and stares down at the small brunette.

"Haruhi?"

"Yeah?"

"This is goodbye, isn't it?"

"Sorry," Haruhi nods and then shuts the door behind her. Kyouya finishes adjusting his tie and then sits down on his bed, sighing and letting his shoulders slump just a bit. He is not heartbroken, just numb. He allows himself only a moment of mourning and then gets up to finish preparing for the party. It is, of course, what his father would want.

**XXX**

When Tamaki stops by Kyouya's house to see if his friend is ready for the cotillion, Haruhi is just reaching the gates. Getting out of his limousine, he approaches her with caution. Her hair is mussed by the wind and she is frowning.

"Haruhi? What's wrong?" he asks her gently. She looks a little silly scowling the way she is. Cute, he muses. "Did something happen?"

"Kyouya-senpai is ashamed of me," she tells him bluntly. For a moment he is stunned, and then angry, and then compassionate.

"Oh… Haruhi… I'm sure he's not," he says tenderly. Touching her hair gently makes her stop and she simply stands and stares earnestly at him.

"He is," she corrects him. "Because I'm not the kind of girl his father would approve of. He was too ashamed to bring me to the cotillion with him, even though I'll be going anyway. Not that I care, really. I've known it was going to come to this for a while. I guess it's better just to move on."

"I'm sorry," Tamaki says softly, ruffling her hair a bit. She looks confused and irritated and just a little sad. It is this last emotion that makes him put a hand to her chin and tilt her head up so she has to look at him. "Haruhi?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to come to the cotillion with me?"

"What?" Haruhi blinks wide-eyed up at him and he cannot help but smile, cannot ignore the pull on his heart. He touches her cheek gently and stares at her for a moment.

"I've wanted… for a while… to show you how much I care about you. When you and Kyouya started dating, I didn't think I would ever get the chance. So maybe tonight, I could show you, and you could take your mind off of what happened?"

Haruhi smiles now, just a little, and it makes his heart leap. "Sure, senpai," she replies, nodding ever so slightly. She looks like she has hope, somehow, and it makes him want to sing and dance. "I care about you, too."

It isn't a love confession, but somehow it's a start. Tamaki hopes he is not rude asking her on a date on the rebound, but she is smiling at him at somehow he doesn't care if he is being inappropriate. Here in the sun, she looks so radiant smiling at him with the breeze in her hair, and time seems to stop.

"Run along home and get ready," he tells her, giving her the gentlest of pushes. "I'll come by for you at six, okay?"

"Alright," Haruhi said with a nod. "But Tamaki-senpai… your grandmother's going to be there. Are you sure it's okay to bring me with you? Won't she dislike it?"

"I don't care," Tamaki says defiantly, and she looks surprised. Maybe even a little impressed. "Her opinion isn't going to change anything. She could never be more important than you."

"Okay…" she sounds just a bit gratified, just a bit awed. Waving as she heads home, she smiles in his direction and makes him want to melt. Tamaki waves back before going to bother Kyouya about getting ready, knowing deep down that he will never let himself make Kyouya's mistakes.

**XXX**

Ouran Academy's ballroom is sumptuously decorated for the cotillion, and everywhere Haruhi looks there is splendor. She feels a little out of place amid all this finery. The twins' mother designed the dress she is wearing, and it is simple and white and it glitters, mid-length and shimmering in the light. It makes her feel, oddly, a bit like a princess.

"You look beautiful," Tamaki says. He is at her elbow, guiding her along by the arm like an escort from some old-time southern romance. "Thank you for coming with me."

"Thanks for inviting me," Haruhi tells him, glancing around at the crowded surroundings. Students and parents alike chatter in pleasant conversation, and tables of food sit every ten yards or so, keeping the masses well fed.

"It was my pleasure," he says, bowing just a bit in an exaggerated way. His suit is a splendid white and matches her dress perfectly. They make a perfect pair. They look like a couple. It's enough to get Haruhi blushing just a bit. It was of course wonderful of him to bring her here tonight after Kyouya's actions, but it's a bit more than gratitude that makes her smile as he takes her hand and suggests they have some fancy tuna.

"Sure but… are you sure we really can?" she asks, a bit in awe, and Tamaki laughs lightly. His laugh tinkles like a bell. There is something wonderful in the way he is so warm and so carefree, and he focuses his attention on her like she is the most important thing in the world. She is not at all accustomed to being treated this way, but somehow maybe it is just what she needs tonight.

"Of course we can," Tamaki takes a piece from one of the delicate china trays and holds it out to her. The bright orange-red meat glints in the light and she leans forward and takes it very carefully between her lips, just barely brushing Tamaki's fingertips with them as she does so. Tamaki blushes a little with pleasure and smiles at her. "What do you think?"

"It's amazing," Haruhi can feel her eyes glazing over a little as the salty, fishy, magical taste spreads over her tongue and coats her sense with pleasure.

"I'm glad you like it," his eyes are warm and he doesn't seem to want to stop smiling at her. "And I'm happy you seem to be having a good time. I want to make this night as wonderful as possible. You deserve it after how he's been treating you."

"What do you mean?" Haruhi asks. Kyouya has never been unkind to her, despite all his coldness and professionalism. He has always talked to her rather gently and valued her opinion more than anyone else's.

"You deserve to be treated like the most important person in the world," Tamaki tells her. "Kyouya is a wonderful man but I know he's not the most attentive of people. He is willing to let you come second to his future career, and it's not right."

"Tamaki-senpai…" Haruhi really doesn't know what to say, so she simply lets him take her hand and lead her to where couples are dancing close to the very refined sound of violins playing on a raised platform. Tamaki holds one of her hands and keeps his hand gently on her waist. It is only the second time she has danced the waltz as a woman, and it is still a little hard to remember to let him lead. She steps on his foot and apologizes profusely, but he simply laughs as she starts looking down to make sure she avoids his feet.

"Probably the best thing about you, Haruhi, is that is you make a mistake, you can say 'sorry' and keep trying. You never deny it. You're so sincere and so honest, and it makes me feel lucky to know you."

Haruhi blinks at him. "Thank you. But… why are you giving me so many compliments tonight?" she asks, and he smiles a little conspiratorially at her.

"I want to make you feel perfect," he says softly, twirling her a bit. He presses a little closer in their dance, and his body feels warm on hers. "After everything that's happened, I want you to have a wonderful night. Plus, there's the matter of my feelings…"

"Senpai?" she asks, hoping he will elaborate, and he smiles.

"It's probably a horrible time to be saying this," he begins. "Because of what happened today. But I want to say that… I love you, Haruhi. I know you may not feel the same way now or ever, but that won't change my feelings for you. So I'll always be here to make you smile and to care for you when you need it. To me, you're the most wonderful person in the world, and I can't imagine life without you. If you need time to return my feelings, you can have as much time as you need. You can heal from what's happened and you can mull things over for as long as you like. I'll still be here."

Haruhi is overwhelmed. She feels like sitting down. So he loves her? It is odd to think that Tamaki, the person she has never been more than awkward friends with in the past, has just told her he loves her. Kyouya never expressed that particular emotion toward her, but she will not be bitter. She wants to be Kyouya's friend despite what has happened. Tamaki is intriguing in his own way. He is so warm and caring and over-the-top. He is so different from everyone else she has ever met. This soft stirring in her chest may not be love, but it is something almost as warm, and she smiles.

"Thank you, Tamaki-senpai," she says softly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Of course," he smiles softly and then looks a bit shy. "Haruhi, I know this might be a bit out of line but… can I kiss you?"

Haruhi is surprised again and she flushes incredibly hot, almost feeling like she has a fever. Her heart pounds inexplicably and she wonders if she is going to black out. That is the only possible explanation for this feeling. However, despite all this, she nods, a little shyly. Kissing him sounds interesting, and she wants to know what it will feel like.

"Thank you," he says softly, stopping in his motion of the waltz to cup her cheeks. He presses a kiss to her mouth, very soft and very tender. The warmth of it spreads from Haruhi's lips to the tips of her toes, and it makes her heart jump around in a way she has never before experienced. This is different from that kiss with Kanako in the fact that it really affects her heart and her head. She wants to stumble.

Maybe she really is falling for him, she muses as they start to dance again. That would explain the warmth she feels now as he presses close and her cheek meets his chest. There is a simple contentment in the way their bodies meld together. This feeling she gets from him is a joy, an impossible high, an electric charge that she failed to notice when she was with Kyouya, being biased by the relationship. She was happy with Kyouya but she muses that maybe in the future she will be with Tamaki and be happy, too. And Kyouya will get what he wants. He will get his own future. Haruhi catches Kyouya's eye as she dances with her senpai and he smiles just a bit. It makes her feel all the more content.

Somewhere across the floor, Kyouya watches Haruhi dance with Tamaki with a happiness and a sadness, a joy and a longing. His best friend and the girl he only this morning called his girlfriend are already (Tamaki moves fast, he has found) on a fast track to becoming the silly, awkward couple he has always expected they would end up as.

It is a bit easier to ignore the subtle pain in his heart as he watches them dance, as he watches them pause to kiss. Somewhere in the course of the dance Haruhi catches his eye and they share a silent moment that makes him sure he did the right thing in letting her walk away.

"Does it bother you?" Kaoru asks him as he sidles up beside him to watch, and Kyouya shakes his head.

"Why would it?" he asks, and Kaoru smiles. He sees it out of the corner of his eye.

"You knew all along she'd be happiest with tono, didn't you?" the younger twin asks, and Kyouya doesn't answer. He feels Kaoru doesn't expect him to. He feels, at least, lucky to have had Haruhi for the short time he did. There is just a little resentment toward Tamaki for swooping in on her so fast, but Haruhi looks content enough, so he can't really bring himself to mind. As he watches them smile raptly at each other, it doesn't hurt as much as he expects it to when he realizes she was never really his at all. In a way, she was always Tamaki's.

By the time he attends Tamaki and Haruhi's wedding three years later, all traces of bitterness have melted away. Head of the Ootori family, as Tamaki's best man he stands and watches Haruhi move down the aisle, and when she gets to the end she embraces him before turning to Tamaki to become his wife. He can smile a little there beside that happy couple because he knows that though he lost her, he lost her to someone she can truly love. They have both moved on to greener pastures, and he rarely even thinks of that short time that he was privileged to spend with her. He does not mention that time in his toast at the reception. He keeps it to himself.

After all, with Tamaki, she is happy. He can see it now, clear as day, in a way he couldn't in those days in high school; that is what really matters.


End file.
